yucca_isnt_porn: (kicked puppy)
[personal profile] yucca_isnt_porn
After the mountain, Mother'd been driving pretty much like a bat out of hell with the RV. Going as fast and far as caffeine and adrenaline will take him.

However about 11 hours later...

"First bar I see I'm pulling in for a drink and we'll be staying the night."

Date: 2009-01-16 05:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxy-l33t.livejournal.com
"That sounds like one of the best ideas I've heard in a long, long time."

Laini is still slumped in the passenger seat, toying with the bottle of caffeine pills Mother had stashed in the glove box,(helpfully blazoned with the name on the label).

"I think I can stand a drink or dozen, and you can prolly use something in your system to cushion the crash after these wear off." She glances over sideways with a grin.

"Though remind me to keep you away from my caffinated soap, 'kay?"

Date: 2009-01-16 05:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yucca-isnt-porn.livejournal.com
Some would debate that the crash is happening now.

"...they make caffeinated soap?"

Date: 2009-01-16 05:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxy-l33t.livejournal.com
"Thank god, yes they do (http://www.thinkgeek.com/caffeine/accessories/5a65/)." Laini nods reverently. "Or they will." She waves a hand in the air. "One of those things not to worry too much about, since its a good thing happening or will happen..."

Laini is more than likely crashing as well- but her hand wave also works to indicate the flashing lights of a bar sign up ahead at the side of the road.

'Dirty Shame Saloon' flashes in gold, followed by 'Beer', 'Booze', and 'Food' in red.

"... and rather than thinking of time differences due to Milliways which always tends to lead to headaches and even more complicated questions, you mentioned drinking?"

Date: 2009-01-16 05:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yucca-isnt-porn.livejournal.com
There is a lone neuron of sanity in Mother's head, and all it sees right now is Saloon, Booze and Food. Laini's actions are actually coming in second place to the input regarding possibly buffers for the over-worked body. Which is why when the exit for the bar comes up, Mother carefully makes the left turn into the dirt road leading into it.

Date: 2009-01-16 05:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxy-l33t.livejournal.com
Thankfully there is enough room in the parking lot for Mother to pull the RV in without too much trouble-

Specially since they are now the only four-wheeled vehicle in sight off the highway. Rows upon rows of Harleys are lined up in the dusty lot, and more are parked in the rows disappearing around the side of the ramshackle building.

Though nothing looks amiss to Laini, and as soon as the RV has come to a complete stop, she is already out of the door.

Date: 2009-01-16 05:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yucca-isnt-porn.livejournal.com
"Gnnnrrrzzrblefltz."

We're not quite sure what that means in caffeine-zombie, but Mother's a bit slower getting out of the vehicle. He's just turning on all the security measures before he staggers after Laini.

Date: 2009-01-16 06:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxy-l33t.livejournal.com
Well, we cannot have Mother falling behind! And Laini may just have a bit more energy than he does at the moment. She grabs his arm and starts tugging him along around the rows of motorcycles.

"Just a leeeettle bit further- c'mon. Booze and food and beer, and maybe in that order, yes?" Laini gives him a bright grin, and pushes open the front door of saloon.

And maybe Laini has seen too many westerns, or has the wrong idea about bars and taverns in the good ol' U.S. of A. in general, or maybe she is just generally bright and chipper and missing the mark, but her cheerful grin and call of-

"Barkeep! Whiskey for my driver and beer for..."

But even Laini may think better to trail off into silence, being greeted by smoke and the sullen stares of a bar full of territorial bikers.

Her bright smile turns sheepish. "Um."

Date: 2009-01-16 06:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yucca-isnt-porn.livejournal.com
...You know that clump of cells we call Mother's survival instinct?

Yeh, they don't so much need caffeine right now. Infact they are screaming quite loud enough to wake up every other cell in the body with a full alarm 'OH FUCK' in bodychem.

This translates to Mother freezing and making nonsense noises.

Date: 2009-01-16 06:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxy-l33t.livejournal.com
The less said about kitsune survival instincts, the better.

Laini just glances around, then whispers back to Mother-

"Is this a biker bar?"

She sounds somehow pleased- maybe even thrilled.

Date: 2009-01-16 06:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yucca-isnt-porn.livejournal.com
Mother, along with the heads of every other biker in the bar just turn to stare at Laini.

"There are men in black leather giving us stink-eyes and looks of 'your spleen would make a nice tail-plate ornament'," Mother starts gibbering, shaking all over. "Yes! THIS IS A BIKER BAR LAINI. WHY. ARE. we in a biker bar?"

God only knows what the bikers think of him now.

Date: 2009-01-16 06:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxy-l33t.livejournal.com
Laini snorts, and turns to give Mother a Look that says clearly he is acting silly.

"You were the one that said he wanted booze after nearly gotten shot and blown up. However, it wasn't as if we could stop at the nearest gin joint nearest the events, could we? I know I certainly feel better being in the next state over, so-"

She rolls her eyes, and starts pulling him toward the bar. "And you've been in worse places than this! That's where you met me, in fact." Laini winks, dodging around several groups of bikers sitting at tables.

A few of them manage to not turn and continue eyeing her and Mother. But only a few.

"Come on." Pleadingly. Can you resist those soulful eyes, Mother? "I'll even buy the drinks."

Date: 2009-01-17 07:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yucca-isnt-porn.livejournal.com
Laini, you are obviously not used to Mother's selfpreservation instincts mucking up his common sense. He's going fishy-mouthed and starting to just flail a bit.

"...you have a point. I did meet you someplace worse." Mother turns to Laini walking towards the bar. "But there they had rules about killing other patrons. I don't know if this nice place has any such rules about that kind of thing."

The bartender seems to be looking at them like they should have left by now.

Date: 2009-01-17 08:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxy-l33t.livejournal.com
Laini at least has the good sense to NOT say 'compared to some of the patrons at Milliways, these guys are all pussycats'. But only just barely. Instead, she just blinks, tilting her head to look at Mother.

"But I thought there were laws about that sort of thing here? Generally?"

A quick shrug, and then she turns a bright smile on the bartender. The effect of Laini's smile is debatable, as she is also holding out a platinum* card.

"A couple whiskeys for me and my friend here- and well, since we're rather obviously invading your space, how about the same for everyone here as well? On me?"



*really platinum, though who would have a credit card made out of platinum? No one, really. But a spell card to hack into the company's system to transfer funds before anyone is the wiser- platinum works well for that.

Date: 2009-01-17 08:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yucca-isnt-porn.livejournal.com
The bartender eyes the card suspiciously for a moment before taking the card from Laini's hands. Hell half the bar is now looking at Laini alone in a new light.

Free booze and the lady here can afford it!

"I'll have a beer and whatever you have here that's deep fried with meat and or potatoes, along with that whiskey."

Date: 2009-01-25 07:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxy-l33t.livejournal.com
"And I'll have the same as well." Brightly and chipper, of course! Since Laini does have a plan to keep her and Mother (mostly Mother and his Winnebago) out of harms way for the night.

It mostly involves buying the whole bar enough booze so they won't be a problem for the rest of the night.

(And for the next few days, more than likely.)

It may take a few minutes for the bartender to get to her and Mother's order, as their is a slow, manly rush to the bar for the on-the-crazy-tourist-lady's-card whiskeys.

Laini will cackle evilly later.

Date: 2009-01-25 07:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yucca-isnt-porn.livejournal.com
Mother's not going to argue with the men who want their whiskey first. He's rather fond of his spleen after all.

When their orders do come out however, the fried chicken wings with ranch sauce, and the mound of french fries are given the most woeful of puppy eyes. It is as if the food is sacred, at least for a moment before he starts tearing into it and taking a long gulp from the bottle.

"God bless you sir, bless you for the best damn beer and wings."

Barkeep is just going to edge away from the crazyman for a bit and let him slam down that shot.

"And another round of shots."

Date: 2009-01-25 08:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxy-l33t.livejournal.com
Laini has no comment on the food- if only because she is busy scarfing down her own share of it. And if she does not seem too worried about the amount of drinks being charged to her card-

She must be a crazy, eccentric tourist.

So it is totally in character for her to be looking over the jukebox only a few minutes later. If the Dirty Shame Saloon does not have a karaoke machine, Laini will just have to make do-

By picking out one of the few songs she recognizes, cranking the volume, and treating the whole bar to a sing-along performance of Tina Turner's Proud Mary (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-6-7N9AxTE&feature=related).



It only takes two more rounds of drinks before half the bar is singing Achy Breaky Heart (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EebObs-vC0) along with the jukebox and a grinning Laini flops back onto her seat next to Mother.

Date: 2009-01-25 08:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yucca-isnt-porn.livejournal.com
By that time Mother has managed to pack away 2 more beers and an order of onion rings. He's feeling pretty mellow, which may be part of that second shot of whiskey he had.

Don't think his digestive tract won't pay him back for this later.

"I would not have pegged you for being able to handle a crowd of bikers, Laini."

Date: 2009-01-25 08:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxy-l33t.livejournal.com
"Oh, I didn't handle them." Laini chuckles, and downs her own shot of whiskey. "The booze did. Its a very tried-and-true trick that seems to work no matter what the time or world." She winks, and turns around to watch the debate over what song should be next on the jukebox.

"Only problem is having enough funds to pull it off." Mother gets a sideways grin. "But I figured this was better than us being holed up in the Winnabago all night long hoping they didn't notice us."

Date: 2009-01-25 08:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yucca-isnt-porn.livejournal.com
"True enough. I really don't feel like using any of the ordinances I have in there until the next stop anyways." Mother replies downing another shot of whiskey.

Date: 2009-01-25 08:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxy-l33t.livejournal.com
Ordinances? Happy fun explody things?

Laini's ears would perk, if she wasn't passing as 100% Normal Human right now.

"Ordinances for the next stop huh what please explain?"



By the jukebox, several of the bikers finally settle on Copperhead Road (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_N56VDB5Eo).

Date: 2009-01-25 08:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yucca-isnt-porn.livejournal.com
Mother doesn't even blink at the song selection. He does not know the men with the face of Ray Stantz have the curse of appropriately weird music.

It does however blare loud enough that most of what he says isn't overheard by anyone else.

"Place called Black Mesa," He begins snarfing another onion ring. "See, another patron in the Bar? Gordon Freeman, had this entire alien invasion from another dimension that started from experiments the higher-up scientists were doing there. Real bad deal, and it gets worse, since aparently, all those experiments backlashed and opened up more portals to that dimension, complete with people-hungry critters. It caused an apocalypse for 7 years."

Date: 2009-01-28 05:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxy-l33t.livejournal.com
Laini blinks. "... With Mel Gibson nowhere in sight, I'm guessing." She shakes her head, and reaches over to snag an onion ring.

"So, you want to swing by and make sure no one's planning the same thing here in your home universe, I take it?"

Date: 2009-01-28 10:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yucca-isnt-porn.livejournal.com
"That's just the appetizer platter, on the 3 course meal of doom." Darryl points the mouth of the beer bottle at her as if to make a point. "The experiments got the notice of some seriously nasty alien sonsabitches who decided humanity might make their next great slave race."

"The war with that group lasted 7 hours from what I've heard. They, the aliens, made certain NO ONE had sex on that planet for 13 years."

Date: 2009-02-05 12:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxy-l33t.livejournal.com
Bad timing, Mother. Laini was in the middle of drinking her beer during that, and at the moment it is not possible for her to drink and breathe at the same time. Cue a coughing fit as she does her best to clear the beer out of her lungs.

"No-" Gasp. "What??????"

Date: 2009-02-05 01:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yucca-isnt-porn.livejournal.com
"Extra-dimensional alien invaders from Satan's own frozen asshole made sure that no body has even had the slightest urge to make bacon for 13 years." Mother says with complete deadpan. "What I've learned and overhead, the guy who handed over humanity was a guy named Breen. He handed over humanity for 'it's own improvement and rising about such bestial natures'. Given said fink also orchestrated humans to get experimented on and turned into cyborgish killing machines in that world..."

Mother's going to take a long swig of his beer. It's a tirade, a talking tirade and not a flailing one, and he really needs the alcohol.

"Nuclear fire was too good a death for that bastard."

Date: 2009-02-05 01:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxy-l33t.livejournal.com
"I hope that means that he rather got that nuclear fire, then? Because that's just.... gah." Laini frowns, shaking her head.

"Rather stupid, is what. Nevermind all the religious stuff you guys got going about sex anyways."

Date: 2009-02-05 01:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yucca-isnt-porn.livejournal.com
"He got thrown into a reactor that was making the flames of explosion." Mother replies waving for more onion rings.

"Hey don't look at me on that sex and religion. Parents were big into the free love."

Date: 2009-02-05 02:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxy-l33t.livejournal.com
Laini also waves at the bartender to indicate another round of whiskey for the bar (as well as one of those shots for herself). "Well, I can think of a few other options better than nuclear fire, but if he's dead and gone in their world, that all still works. Gah."

The bartender slides Laini's drink down to her, she picks it up and downs it. "If you want to be a crazy lunatic off by yourself, more power to you! But imposing your own insane morality on others..." She shakes her head. "Just shouldn't be done."

"And good for your parents! Those were a fun couple of decades- People finally decided to start thinking for themselves on some good points."

Date: 2009-02-05 02:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yucca-isnt-porn.livejournal.com
"I'll pass on the praise to them." Mother grins, leaning back and emptying his bottle of beer. Sadly it's empty so he's snagging another couple as the barkeep passes by again.

"But in all seriousness, they're kinda edgy about that shit having even a snowball's chance in hell in someone else's world." He does not blame them in the least for this sentiment.

"So, I've been doing investigating into major factors that caused their hell, that might be present here. Our next stop is one of those places."

Date: 2009-02-05 02:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxy-l33t.livejournal.com
Laini does not blame them either. (Her own Earthside may get a few careful investigations when she gets back home as well.)

"So, we stop at this place, see if there's a Breen guy around and if he's got a few sexual problems that even Viagra can't touch, and if so..."

She draws a finger across her throat.

Date: 2009-02-05 03:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yucca-isnt-porn.livejournal.com
"No, no...Breen's not our first place to hit. Black mesa is." There is more bottle pointing for emphasis.

"Black Mesa, Nevada is our next real stop. I'm thinking burning and salting the earth, metaphorically speaking."

Date: 2009-02-05 03:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxy-l33t.livejournal.com
"Sounds like a plan." Laini nods sagely.

(Maybe a little too sagely. Even the player has lost track of exactly how much she has had to drink this evening.)

"Though I'm hoping you also have a plan for not getting caught?"

Date: 2009-02-05 03:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yucca-isnt-porn.livejournal.com
"Not leaving any tracks, no credit card trails on my ...purchases for this little gig." Short answer. "Wearing rubber gloves, burning said gloves after event, running like I just shagged the executioners daughter."

Date: 2009-02-05 03:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxy-l33t.livejournal.com
Laini. Just. Grins. and steeples her hands together.

"Excellent. And if you want, there's certainly a couple tricks I can help pull off as well- Foxes aren't known for being hard to track for nothing, afterall."

Date: 2009-02-05 03:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yucca-isnt-porn.livejournal.com
It may be the booze talking right now, but Mother is starting to think Laini is a whole new level of fun.

Which is why his lone neuron of common sense isn't around to stop this from coming through.

"How are you at handling fire and explosives?"

Date: 2009-02-05 04:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxy-l33t.livejournal.com
Laini giggles, and then leans forwards in order to whisper in Mother's ear.

"Kitsune, sweetie. I could be a fire elemental if it came down to it, and fox fire works well enough for setting most things on fire. Add in that I'm pretty sure I could hack into most systems you got running in this year..."

She leans back, grinning.

"I just don't care too much for getting shot at, thanks."

Date: 2009-02-05 04:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yucca-isnt-porn.livejournal.com
"Shoot at? Not so much. Chased by local law enforcement for reckless destruction of property is more likey..." Mother does not ask about the hacking bit.

Yet.

"We'll leave...tomorrow. Sometime....late afternoon."

"Because I'm probably not supposed to be seeing two of you right now."

Date: 2009-02-05 04:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxy-l33t.livejournal.com
Laini blinks, blinks again-

Then nearly falls off the bar stool, snickering.

"Y'know? That's prolly a very, very good idea. Specially since my last good idea seems to be working really well."

Laini shakes her head, and manages to get her feet under herself to stand up.

"Which was mostly getting this whole place drunk enough that they're not going to be thinking a thing about the two wacky tourists who stumbled upon this place."


.... Yep. The jukebox is going full swing, and hardly anyone in the bar is sober enough to remember the words to Mexican Radio (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdpllAHo0ng), much less remember any ideas about harassing Laini and Mother.

Odds are none of them will be sober enough for it by tomorrow night.

Date: 2009-02-05 04:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yucca-isnt-porn.livejournal.com
And if they are well...

Mother is not allowed to eat onion rings back at the office as Laini might discover later in the evening. It's not that he doesn't love em, but it's what happens once they've gone through that's the trouble.

See, no one at the office likes working next to a living biohazard.

Date: 2009-02-05 04:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxy-l33t.livejournal.com







Thus, Laini spends most of the night sleeping on TOP of the Winnabago with a gas mask- and she might just borrow that rule and enforce it for the rest of the road trip.

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